Like so many on here, I'm fed up trying to find something that I lost years ago. The short of it is that I married the love of my life when I was 24 but she was dx'd with brain cancer 2 weeks after our wedding. After she passed, I made the mistake of contacting an ex because I was lonely. I ended up getting trapped by a pregnancy, got married, and 15 years later, I'm a born-again virgin and I essentially live on the lanai of my own house. We haven't slept together in over 5 years, but what I miss the most is having an emotional connection. Don't get me wrong. I miss sex too...a lot. But I've been getting by emotionally through a close friendship with a coworker (like BFF-level friends). After 7 years, that friendship just blew up a few weeks ago. Then I tried the whole online thing and thought I met someone I connected with. Even though we were thousands of miles apart and probably had no chance of ever meeting, the conversation was fun and I thought we were both enjoying it. Then out of nowhere, she deletes her account and completely ghosts me. No explanation. Just a swift kick to the balls. I'm the prototype ex-military executive who has my shit together, makes a great salary, and is always super respectful. By all accounts, I fit the mold of what most women would want in their partner, because I know what a really good relationship is like. I'm in better shape than most guys my age (45) and I put in the effort (until I don't get the same in return.) But now, I'm just feeling defeated. Every relationship that I have pursued since my first wife passed is going horribly or has ended painfully. At some point, I have to recognize the common denominator.

I'm not looking for responses unless you know some jedi mind trick to break me out of this funk. Hope y'all are having better luck than me.