I’ve had this rant in my head for a few months now and am finally posting it in the hope that it’s heard and understood by at least a few men - or even just makes you think.

The coded language about what body shapes and/or sizes you’re looking for in an AP are absolute bullshit. You might think you’re being sensitive, but I’m here to tell you it’s bullshit.

We all have body types we’re attracted to. There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for in that. You want a skinny woman? Fine! You want a woman with a flat stomach? Cool! You want a woman with a thigh gap or washboard abs or a visible iliac crest? Great!

But let me list a few phrases that do not guarantee the above. A woman who:

“takes care of herself”

“stays healthy”

“enjoys working out”

“is HWP” - this one isn’t coded, it just literally has no meaning.

I’ll not going to push HAES theories on you. (I don’t fully buy into them myself.) And I’m not sure I’d recommend saying, in your post, that you’re looking for a size 2 (or whatever). That raises its own complications. But please be aware that you have no idea what someone’s health is, whether or not they take care of themselves, and/or if they enjoy working out based solely on their looks.

And any woman who has ever had a tense relationship with their body - which, let’s face it, is almost every one of us - is likely to cringe a little when reading these phrases in your post. Please stop using them.

Sincerely,

A crepe myrtle that is most of the way through a bottle of wine after a stressful snow day with the kids at home while trying to remotely work a full 8 hours at her job.