I realize everyone’s reasons for choosing infidelity is different. I’m new here though and really trying to make sense of it all. I’m still undecided if this lifestyle is even for me, although considering how much time it’s consuming in my head, I’d have to guess I’m really leaning towards starting an affair rather than just leaving and starting over.

My therapist told me at last session, when I came to her confused about my feelings of why I’d even want to start an affair, she said “people don’t just begin to have affairs because they think they are fun. Something was already damaged within that relationship long before it had even begun.” And that really stuck with me. I know affairs are bandaids, etc and I know it probably won’t fix anything; in fact, it’ll probably make things worse. But I’m just wondering for those who can think back on the moment in their marriage where they Decided they would have an affair rather than leave, would you still choose the same today? Knowing what you know now? Or would you do differently and have just left ? I’ve read many posts on this board over the last few days and it’s hard to get a consensus on whether or not people were truly satisfied once they’d begun this lifestyle.

I’m the MW btw with young children. It probably makes most sense to just leave but it also makes sense to stay. I do not have my sh*% together enough to just leave. But I know the toll it’ll continue to take on me if I choose to stay. This whole thing feels like a catch 22…