I know there are some folks out there who cheated their way through some years of inadequate marriage, got divorced, and never got caught. I am in that demographic, too.
My marriage had a 7 year dead bedroom, I was doing nearly all of the tasks of keeping the family going, and I eventually woke up one day and was entirely done. Everyone hits that spot on their own timeline. For me, apparently it was 7 years. I cheated a ton but never got caught.
After I left my husband, he gradually began to get himself together. Once I stopped enabling him to e stunted, he was forced to change because he wasn't get handed everything. He learned how to make his own dentist appointments, shop around for car insurance, invest money with a financial advisor, put away money each month for the kids, etc. He lost 40 pounds. He came to realize the importance of regularly vacuuming and sweeping the floors and keeping the dishes caught up.
In time, he came to be a reasonably impressive grownup. We've processed his growth in the years since we split. I have to say I'm pretty proud of how far he's come. We've grown to be friends. Thank goodness I never got caught because I bet this friendship wouldn't be possible.
I don't really have a prompt for you all to respond to other than to say it's super cool to be able to be friends with the man I used to be married to, coparent our kids, have fun hanging out with each other, be able to still go to each others' holiday events at family houses, etc. He surprised me and I'm proud of him!