Simply put: it's a rare treat to ride a unicorn and quite common to kiss frogs as we travel this peculiar path of finding romantic partners outside our "committed" relationships.

And that's ok. I’d argue it’s even good—a fortunate series of events.

It's said that "expectations breed resentment." Each of our conversations with someone who turns out to be a "frog" means that they've had that same experience with us. If I go looking for and expecting to find that "incredible love" or "soulmate," I'll be often disappointed and probably resentful at someone: them, me, life in general, God, my SO.

Until we encounter the unicorn, which usually finds us. The unicorn is a mythical creature whose image and essence is perhaps unnaturally enhanced and even distorted by late afternoon mist and sunlight, but in its presence we feel a purity in ourselves that has remained hidden, even suppressed, even oppressed, but which now emerges. With our SO, that same purity is always there, because (I believe) we’ve been created with it, but it's yoked with the daily responsibilities and baggage of a long-term, committed relationship. We do see it in moments. But only in moments. We can’t take it for a ride without trying to unhitch it.

When I'm with a unicorn, there is myth and fantasy involved -- like any relationship, the ride is unclear and its duration is uncertain -- but I feel the best parts of myself emerging. I can often see them clearly, because there are so few encumbrances. There are no dishes to wash or bills to pay. The storms of heated conversation are not typically in the forecast.

I "like myself more" in the presence of the unicorn. There is, admittedly, myth start to finish in riding a unicorn. But it’s been said that “myths are sacred tales that explain the world and man’s experience,” and if this is true, then an affair is a one-off experience to understand myself better.

Affairs are inherently selfish. But they are also inherently self-revelatory. The unicorn helps me to see what I’m often blind to. Another way to view NRE (new relationship energy) is to see it not as something we feel but rather as an opportunity to pull the veil aside and see ourselves as we haven’t seen in a while. The lucky ones might even get to see in themselves what they saw in themselves when they and their SO first met.

Some of these lucky ones find that an affair can even, therefore, save their marriage. The rest of us can, through an affair, learn to like ourselves again.