***Editing to add/clarify: I am not at all claiming to be polyamorous, I do not need to be told that I am not as I am well aware. I am discussing my affair partner who does live in the polyamorous lifestyle.

Please don’t flame me for my unethical part of this post. I’m in a hard place and this is where I have landed after much much much intense therapy. I am having an admittedly unethical affair outside of my marriage (have asked to open the relationship, been to 3 marriage counselors, we are roommates essentially and waiting for divorce until kids are a bit older in a year or two).
My first true affair partner outside is long distance, has been polyamorous for the past two years, has a relatively recent primary locally who is much much younger and they are fluid bonded. Fine with me. My relationship with him will probably always be a comet thing I guess. He does not ask much about if I’m with anyone else, and he knows he was the first person I stepped out of my marriage with sexually. So now I’m considering meeting up with someone local as comet friend is not always available to me and I’m sure this is just a sexual notch on his belt and just another fun activity. We had a long weekend together, incredible sexual chemistry/communication, and connection in other ways, but I’m not dumb either and know he’s getting plenty elsewhere so this is just whatever to him. I won’t be seeing for a little while due to mismatched schedules. Do I bring up this potential developing local partner if he isn’t asking? I think I should, but don’t really know how to go about it. When we first started talking and he explained his poly lifestyle and asked me how much I do or do not want to hear about his partners, he shared his perspective that he’s fine with whatever I want to do, he is happy to hear about men I am with and it wouldn’t bother him. Except he knew I wasn’t with anyone else at that time because he was first person outside of the marriage and now I feel weird bringing it up if he isn’t directly asking.
So…now that I am possibly developing something with a local person, do I mention it if it doesn’t come up by him asking? Seems like it would come off as bragging or trying to make him jealous. And if he asked me directly, I would answer, I just don’t know if he really cares either way so it feels kind of dumb to bring up I guess. I guess I don’t want to hear him go “ok so why did you want to tell me?”

If you can’t get past the unethical part of this post, please keep scrolling or ignore that part and just share your thoughts on the second part of the post please 😂