I understand the gym can be a great place to find that elusive AP … thing is, the gym I go to is a cardiac rehab facility, so the girls there are like … 70 and older and mostly not my type.

But there’s one who’s caught my eye and I think I’ve caught hers and I wonder what you guys think…

*** THIS IS A SATIRE POST PLEASE DO NOT DOWNVOTE ME TO OBLIVION ***

So, I had a heart attack a couple months ago, and now go to cardiac rehab three times a week. It’s basically a workout under medical supervision. At 48, I’m the youngest one working out by at least 20 years, I think.

One of the rehab therapists is a cutie, though, who will often come by when I’m on the treadmill and ask ‘doin ok?’ I know that’s her job but it seems like she’d ask me that even if she didn’t work there. I can tell she wants to ask more, too, so I try and say something clever but usually just kinda nod and wheeze as sexily as I can while jogging at a 2.5% incline.

Well, this was all fine and harmless flirtation until the other day when I started experiencing chest pain while doing seated crunches. You know, where you’re on a chair and like lifting one knee at a time which only makes you feel slightly emasculated as a former high school wrestler who can now barely walk up a flight of stairs … ANYWAY … the rehab techs called the doc, who told them to put me on a monitor. They whisked me to a back room and the cutie was very quick to offer her assistance. (Well actually the guy I worked with was like ‘I don’t know how to work this monitor, can you help?’ But she said yes *very* quickly.) Anyways, there was something special in her eyes when she motioned to my shirt and said ‘why don’t you take this off for me…..’ For you? Yes, darlin, anything for you … And the touch of her fingers when she stuck those little adhesive thingies all over my skin … just electric! (Like, literally, electric, that’s how the monitor thing works.) She didn’t even say anything about the half of my chest where the hair hasn’t grown back after they shaved it for surgery. And when she pulled those wires off the hairy half of my chest, I only whimpered in pain a little bit.

Anyway, my heart was fine, though I bet my blood pressure was a bit high from sucking in my gut … I just took an extra beta blocker and a nitroglycerin and I’m back to normal. I’ve been back to rehab once since then and will go back tomorrow … I dunno … is there something here, guys? Does this girl have a thing for me? Or is she literally just helping me not die because it’s her job?

If there’s nothing here, I’m pretty sure I still have a shot with the ultrasound tech who did the imaging of my heart (you should have heard the way she said 'this gel might be a bit … cold …' or the nurse who shaved my groin in pre-op prep. Hoping she got a glimpse!

(In case it’s not clear, this is how some of you guys sound on here. You might want to rethink before posting your ‘is this girl into me’ post.)