I have a question for those among us who consider themselves "artists" of any kind, whether it's your full-time profession or your avocation/passion, and if you hold yourself to a high standard of what you produce. I'm not asking about doodling as a distraction or about crafts for sale or as gifts -- as important and as fun as those can be to us, I'm not asking about that.

I had an inkling about this but confirmed it just now to my surprise and concern.

Has seeking or having an affair had a negative effect on your art?

My day job for a long time now has been in a financial capacity, though early in my career I was a corporate writer, and I've been a writer since I was a kid, have kept a blog for 15 years and a journal forever, and have sold a fair amount of my creative work. I have to write. It's how I filter the world around me. I can't not write. If you are an artist, you know what I mean.

Just now, I looked over the last 18 months of what I've produced, and here's what I saw leading up to a 4-month affair starting in December 2021 and since it ended:

• Summer of 2021 (not in an affair): decent and even quite good writing.
• Fall 2021: still a few good pieces.
• Late fall and early winter 2021 (actively seeking and then somewhat desperate for an affair): total shit.
• December 2021 to mid-April 2022 (a surprise start to an unexpected and then wonderful affair): only two pieces of work, both total shit. One draft that was shitty and not worth going back to.
• Late April 2022 (two weeks after the break-up with my AP; she broke it off and I was devastated): one piece of work that was -- as Anne Lamott (one of my idols) would say -- "kicky" and even quite good. Good enough that I enjoy re-reading it. It flowed; it was fun; I was enjoying myself when writing it. It was the kind of writing where I felt like "me."
• Late spring 2022 to mid-fall 2022 (no affair, not really looking): some quite good writing. Most of which I enjoy re-reading.
• October and most of November 2022: still ok but declining.
• November 2022 to now (one OA and became open to in-person affair): almost no work, and what work there is totally sucks.

I tried this morning to write. Couldn't. Blocked.

Prior to my first affair in 2017 and between affairs since then -- with no romantic outlet from a challenging marriage -- my art is quite good. When I'm in an affair or actively seeking one, it's either not there or what's there is not good.

Do any of you experience this?