I am in a very stressful situation and only just keeping my head above water. But I’m so focused on the present that I know I’m letting stuff slip, and the future is actually just going to get much harder. I could use outside perspective.

I’m terrified of being very alone and homeless by the end of the year, but I also don’t see how the path I’m on doesn’t lead there.

I’d like to at least be prepared, so I’m less scared. What could I be doing now to get more stable and cushion the coming blows? Anything??

If you were homeless before, or almost homeless, what saved you?

Here is the reality: (1) I have a good paying, easy gig, but it ends in the fall. I can’t focus on it no matter how i try, and am barely doing a decent job, so I’m unlikely to get renewed. I’m unlikely to get a good reference to a followup gig. Or I’ll only be able get a harder lower paying gig, which I’ll get fired from faster. I don’t have any skills outside of my very specific trade, and I’m only ok at it. I can barely work right now, from stress and anxiety and shame.

(2) I’ve lost my long-term partner, their 2nd income, their supportive social network, and all the assistance I didn’t realize they were providing with my ADHD, which just keeps getting worse. I have obsessive, intrusive thoughts about the future I thought we’d have, which looked really bright in 2019.

(3) I expect to lose most of our mutual friends and my few remaining close friends this year. My friends have only known me when I’m healthy; they are used to me being the quirky but upbeat, rational one. I’m a mess now and have been for months. I suddenly need tons of help, can’t make decisions, and am an anxious depressed downer making bad decisions . They don’t like it and are getting tired of it, as am I. I’m withdrawing into TV for escapist comfort.

(4) I am probably selling my home cuz I can’t take care of it or afford it alone. But I get super anxious living with strangers and my adhd annoys ppl. I’m moving in with some people soon but think I will not be able to afford the new place if/when I lose my job, or they’ll want me to leave when the lease is up.

(5) $ risks: I have a cheap old used car that may break down. I have a personal loan I’m still paying off on a car that crashed (foolish). I have savings, but am scared that when I’m unstable, I make bad decisions and I’ll lose it all.

I feel myself falling thru the cracks…. how do I stop falling ?

EDIT: please also point me to a time machine if you have one. There are 3-5 major decisions and about 1000 small daily ones that I would really like a re-do on.