Not sure I could verbalize accurately in a title.

One of the struggles I face with ADHD is traditional work; the 9-5. I find myself being more productive in any various task if I am in a “mode” for a few days. I’m in an artistic mode for 3 days, I’m in a cleaning and organizing mode for a day and a half, I’m in a catching up with friends mode for 2 days, I’m in a project mode for 4 days, I’m in an artistic mode for a day…..

If I could work 3 nearly sleepless days in the time frame I’m in work mode and not sleeping anyway, I’d get just as much work done as a 40 hour week but in a way that works for my brain. Having to shift across multiple tasks each day to go into work from X am - Y pm just doesn’t work for me no matter how much therapy and routine and habits I try to form. I’m exhausted trying to fight the way in which I perform well. But it always comes back around to being able to provide for yourself, and I can’t figure out a way to that that isn’t hell on my natural rhythms.

Another reason I hate the 9 - 5 is the amount of executive function that is needed if like I want to earn more money. If my income isn’t earning me enough, I need to move up into management to earn more. And that just lays so much more on me which requires the very skills I struggle with; time management, decision making, focus on paperwork, be able to be interrupted for priority tasks frequently and then refocus at will on the secondary tasks in the few moments of free time….on and on. I can be the top performing employee and be promoted at every new job, only to quickly burn out because it takes an extraordinary amount of energy to perform those functions well for me.

I just think of how good I am while simultaneously having to pour so much energy into these ways of functioning that don’t come easy for me, I want to see how incredible I can be when all that energy isn’t being spent on trying to fit into the “productive member of society” mold.