So I have been in therapy for three years and since then been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, compulsive buying, imposter syndrome, and procrastination.

For the last stretch of my therapy I wanted to find out why I am so bad a prioritizing, why I get so overwhelmed to a point where I shut down completely and why I judge myself so harshly whenever I don’t accomplish the 200 tasks I wanted to do in that day and this overall feeling of not accomplishing anything in my life.

While reading about these general feelings and problems I came across ADHD and so much would make sense. So many texts describe how I feel exactly, but I have never thought about ADHD and I honestly had no idea what it really meant. I don’t want to say that I surely have it, but it’s something I would like to look into, because the similarities are really big and I find myself in so many descriptions. I wanted to talk about this to my therapist in the sense of, would this be possible, what would be the nexts steps be and what would it mean for me. He completely shut it down and it made me really upset, because he didn’t even let me finish. On the one hand he said he is sure I don’t have it, because people with ADHD can’t accomplish anything, so my being in a bachelors program somehow negates having struggles (yes I am in university, but I hand in everything tooo late and I will need 5 years for a 3 year program which I HATE and I shittalk myself because of this every day) on the other hand he said it couldn’t be diagnosed either way because I have underlying childhood trauma and it’s hard to tell if I behave this way because of trauma or a mental health condition...

he also said diagnoses can be very hard for people and it’s better not to know what I have, so I can’t be held back by thinking “I have adhd so I will never be able to do anything”. I know some people don’t like diagnosis (some of my fiends) but for me it would be a “because of adhd I have these struggles, but there are people out there who can understand me and if I have this there’s treatment and I don’t have to feel like this forever”.

Thank you for listening to my little rant. Still thinking about searching a specialist without his help, what do you guys think?