I tend to escape sadness thru sleeping, mindlessly spending time online, scrolling, watching tv shows, etc. I lost someone really special in my life. And it left a huge hole in my life. I am still me, I still got me, but I don't have them anymore and probably won't ever get to know about their days, about them anymore. And that alone is too painful to bear. One thing that I keep on being reminded of is that I will remember her longer than I've known her.

There won't be any of us anymore. There is only I and her, far from knowing about anything about each other anymore. And I know that that would be the best for us too since we have to move on with our lives. But how do I cope with this loss? Without escaping it, without running away from it? I know I really did everything I can, fought so hard for us, as I really wanted to make it with her. But sometimes, some people need not stay anymore. And that sucks but I know that life is like that.

I want to change how I approach pain, how I cope. I need to study but it is so hard when you are not okay. I know that dreaming while sleeping and having an alternate reality feels good. You get to live a happy/ier life, with the ones you lost, successful, on adventures, etc. But I want to really live.

I only go to school and then go back home. At times, I go to the library. I tend to feed stray cats and dogs outside too.

But I want to add more into my life. How do I focus and achieve more things despite going through a rough patch in my life right now and hopefully, I can cope better with stress moving forward.

I want to make more friends and maybe I'll start socializing again, like outside the classroom. Hopefully, once my bruises heal and it doesn't hurt when I move around, I'll go to the gym too.

Has anyone gone through a transformation in their lives? A happy/ier, successful, and thriving life? How was it? How did you cope? How did you do it?

I am in so much pain. But at the same time, I am looking forward to better days. I know that I'll love and get to be loved again someday. I just want to heal for now.