Hi everyone. I hope you're well. I am just struggling a lot with what I'm facing right now and thought maybe you all would understand.

I am moving across the country in 10 days. I live alone and don't have a good support system here to help me with that, so it's been a struggle.

I got the offer to move in November, and was working remote with a company where I am now. I asked if I could move to a different state. It took them FOUR months to decide. They finally approved it, I booked the time to move states, which they approved. The move is on. I've given notice to my landlord here, etc. And then they fired me. Knowing full well I was in the middle of this move. They cancelled my health insurance the same day I was fired. It was for an inattentive mistake that resulted in fixable fallout and I had no previous disciplinary action.

So now, I'm moving, have only the medication that I already had, have lost my access to therapy, and I'm having to frantically look for work also. I applied for unemployment here a month ago, and still no decision. I called about a week ago and they said it takes 6-8 weeks.

I have been trying to just devote a little time to everything, spending more time on certain days on certain things in hopes that nothing falls through the cracks.

I have to sell a bunch of my things, so there's constant facebook marketplace garbage that I'm managing in addition to everything else.

I am driving across the country and packing my car as full as I can, and I'm selling my furniture and donating a lot because I just can't really afford to move it. I still don't know what I'm going to do if I have stuff that doesn't fit in my car.

I'm (perhaps unsurprisingly) struggling with the executive function of it all. Figuring out when to sell/get rid of things, how much time stuff is going to take me, what needs to get done in what order, etc. I feel like every day I constantly get stuck in a spiral trying to plan it out.

Then on top of it, because I'm so poor, I have to keep spending a lot of time cooking/cleaning up after cleaning because I need to eat what's in my cupboards and that's all stuff that involves lots of cooking/cleaning. I'm keeping it as simple as possible, but it's still a lot and I can't really afford to order takeout.

I know, objectively, that I've made some progress. I got my car ready for the drive across the country and I've gotten quite a few things out of my house that are big-ticket items and am working on the rest. But no matter how much I do and how much I tell myself that I've done a lot and I still have 10 days left, I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to make a mistake that's going to levy the ADHD tax on me. I can't afford to make a mistake and there's not much leeway in my schedule/timeline.

I spend time looking for work and have had no leads. I have had a TERRIBLE time with my work life throughout life. I CRUSHED school and somehow can't keep a job at all, no matter how hard I try. I have been actively trying to work on my confidence/finding stuff that works for me work-wise, but everything related to work and the job search is soul crushing and makes me feel like the most worthless human being ever. Like a middle-aged child who will never be able to take care of herself. And I know it's not because I'm not CAPABLE of doing good work, it's because I can't find the right environment that understands my differences.

So I'm drowning in necessary tasks, I'm like at a burnout level of overwhelm, and I have no consistent/reliable help.

I was trying to ration my meds to make them last, but have realized that probably now is the time to take them every day, so I've gone back to that, but I have the anxiety of knowing they won't last forever (they will last through my moving day at least, thank goodness).

I need a friend like me, right now. For some reason, I can TOTALLY show up for other people. I'm trying to channel that energy for myself, but the emotions make it SO MUCH HARDER.

I feel worthless, incapable, pathetic, and destined to fail (this is a pretty low moment). Getting fired and feeling like I'll never find a job that will accommodate my brains is feeding into this really hard too.

It's like on the one hand, I know I've done hard things before, but this is just so many things, and all some of the hardest things I could possibly do. And I don't have anyone to body double, to talk things out with, to keep me focused, to help.

I've been trying to make sure to give myself breaks (Is it too much? Am I lazy? I can definitely do more, right?), and just be consistent with doing stuff. But I think additionally like, the time blindness and the fixed date/time to be done are really hard. Do I have a reasonable amount of stuff left to do? Do I need to just hulk smash at this point? I really don't want to because I know it's not good for me, but having a house full of undone stuff and no idea what to do with it on the day that my mom shows up to drive across the country with me and my lease is over isn't good either.

I'm sorry for the long post - but I guess you were warned with the flair 😅

I just need whatever you've got. Words of wisdom, tips, tricks, encouragement, literally anything. I have nothing left to give myself and have to dig more out and make it happen regardless.

Update: I walked to the farmer's market this morning and have a friend coming over so hopefully today will be easier. Thank you for those who took the time to leave kind words and encouragement. 💖