I'm going to preface this story by stating that this friend has no educational background in psychology, and does not have autism herself. She has been diagnosed with ADHD (which she claims is mild) and BPD (which she is apparently "recovered from"). For some reason though she is extremely fond of "diagnosing" everyone around us with autism, and is extremely prone to making constant backhanded comments.

I became friends with this person because our kids are friends. The two of them have been extremely close since they were five (they're now 9) and spend most of their time at school and out of it together. I'm extremely mellow and I like most people, so I would always chat with her and her partner, and we eventually became friends. In the last year, I've noticed her making a ton of backhanded comments about me and my daughter. She told me once that I smelled bad, that she "forgot how fast I talk" and that my ADHD must be hyperactive (it's not) because I "talk so much". I'm generally confident and have never taken her comments seriously, I figured they were a result of her ADHD, so I've ignored them.

Recently however, she's begun making comments about my daughter that are actively upsetting. She claims that my daughter's voice is monotone, and she doesn't show emotion, both of which are completely untrue. Because of this, she claims to be CERTAIN my daughter has ASD, which she has insisted on five or six times now. My daughter is on a waiting list for a comprehensive assessment, because she has some issues with anxiety, but I took her to a psychologist when she was 4, who said she would have to wait until she was older to be assessed, but she most likely has ADHD.

Yesterday, a mutual friend of ours was talking about her own daughter's ADHD diagnosis, and she interrupted them once again to insist that my daughter has autism. When I responded that since I have ADHD, and it's 75% genetically heritable, that's most likely what she has, she said, and I quote,

"You just WANT her to have ADHD so she can be like you. But she's not like you, she's her own person!"

I don't even know how to respond to being told something so horrible, but I know I no longer have any interest in maintaining a friendship with this person. I don't even know what to do about our children's friendship. I feel bad because neither of our kids have done anything wrong, but I frankly don't want her in my house, and no longer feel comfortable having my daughter in hers.

Any advice on what to do would be appreciated.