I just got diagnosed with ADHD(inattentive presentation). part of the process to get diagnosed was an interview with my mom. Where she told the psychologist that she doesn't believe I have ADHD, that it isn't a thing.

My mom had been encouraged when I was in school to have me tested by more than one of my teachers.

Turns out I have been all along and on top of it most likely have a learning disorder as well. Surprise surprise.

My WHOLE life everything I have done has NEVER been good enough. I've never worked hard enough, (she will acknowledge I work hard, but it's never enough)

In a conversation over the holidays where a few people who also have ADHD were all talking about what it's like to live with our brains. She agreed that it is the same way for her.

But ADHD isn't a thing, you just have to learn how to live and work in this world and if you work hard enough(which I never do apparently) you will get the things you deserve.

I have had so many struggles with my undiagnosed ADHD from failed careers, relationships, depression the list goes on.

But I'm not trying hard enough so my failures are what I deserve. If I would only do better I would have better.

The conversation came up again yesterday, where I tried to explain that there is something biologically different about my brain, our brains that makes living in an NT world difficult. And why I wanted my diagnosis and followed up with medication. Because I do want better. I want my brain to work better. I want to finish that project I want to keep a tidy home. I want to do well at work.

But she just keeps dismissing this as just learning how to exist. And it's like I did. I learned to mask and just take the criticism and believe that I am as crappy as you and my teachers said I was...

If you're not familiar with just world theory https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/just-world-hypothesis

ETA: I did get my diagnosis I am 100% ADHD inattentive presentation. Along with a suspected language-based learning disorder. The psychologist I saw for my diagnosis talked about how my mom didn't believe the diagnosis. That she acknowledged my struggles but thought that was just me.