So, pretty sure this is the right place, if not, my bad…

I’m a 37 year old male, as a kid I was off the walls hyper, which was my introduction to Ritalin, eventually got put on Adderall. In a sense, yes I do feel like I need it due to not being able to concentrate for shit, but I’ve been in this cycle all my life. I end up abusing it and taking more than I should, then I get anxiety, I start drinking, will binge drink for a year straight, quit cold turkey, but start smoking pot and being a lazy piece of shit, then back to alcohol, rinse and repeat…

I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s not so bad, and that I can quit anytime, but it just leads me to another numbing agent when I do. But since I’m functioning properly with a good job, I justify it in my head. This has been a cycle for like 17 years, I fucking hate it and am so over it… I’ve basically spent the last decade plus building these walls of isolation around me, I make attempts to let people in, but then push them whenever they try to get close.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I need help…