I was listening to the Tony Hawk Underground 2 soundtrack at work today so if you catch the reference in the title you're a star.

Anyways. I'm seriously reaching a breaking point but giving up bad habits (which at this point, let's be honest, are bad lifestyle choices) is difficult. Especially if you're leaning on them for their powerful copium. I had a bad breakup that fucked me up. Threw away FOUR YEARS of not drinking, constant AA, and now I've been drinking about this girl every day for nearly a year. Not only that but I also picked up weed again, and try not to go more than 15 mins without a cigarette in my mouth. My self esteem has never been so low. What kills me is knowing that AA and taking sobriety seriously will change my entire life; it's already done it once. But I'm so deep in this hole that the thought of living without my precious chemical pacifiers at all times feels like a fate worse than death.

I just want to stand on the top of the mountain again. I wanna know if anyone here has been in my shoes. I wanna know how you got out. I need to know I'm not alone because I'm cursed with terminal uniqueness (as they always said in AA) and somehow feel like my situation is uniquely alarming, special; and thus beyond help.

If anyone wants to chat about it, let's talk about it.