I’ve been struggling for the past month with my sobriety. I’ve used (FTY) for the first time for a few weeks out of the month last month and barely passed a drug test for probation, went through cold turkey withdrawals for a week, and finally started feeling better. After all of that, the stress and physical/mental ills, I thought, “I wanna get high again.” Which we know is an absolute insane thing to think. I made it about another week and used for 2 days, being “smarter” this time about withdrawals, probation, etc. Today is day 2 without and physically, I’m alright. Mentally, it’s tough not to think about. “Just another 2-3 days and I’ll stop.” I’m going to an area on Saturday that is tough for me and I know I’ll likely end up using. I’ve had multiple years of sobriety, a few times. I can’t talk to anyone at work about it nor can I even talk to anyone in the program because of what I do for work. If it got back, I’d lose my job that I really enjoy. DMs will be open. I’m even open to phone calls at this point. I have a lot to lose but that doesn’t seem to matter to me.