Throwaway account, ironic considering this is the account where I look at porn on Reddit

I’ve been addicted to masturbation from around 7th grade when I realized what I could do. At first I thought it was alright, I was just a boy exploring the world of self pleasuring, however I’m 17 now and I can safely say I’m addicted. It’s been a while since I haven’t went a day without masturbation, and those days were mostly bc I was too tired and fell asleep to quickly to think about it. I’ve looked at some fucked up stuff trying to get off (nothing illegal, I don’t think I could push myself that low, however it was undeniably fucked). I try to steer clear of that sort of stuff, I mostly look at pretty innocent porn to keep me satisfied and it seems to do a job, but it’s mostly the post but shame that I hate the most. My post not shame is horrible, not only so I think “what that fuck was that” but I fall hard, I go into this really dark state of mind and I hate that the most. I don’t like thinking I don’t deserve anyone special because I masturbate so much. I’ve tried just going cold turkey (you could imagine how that went), but I can’t seem to dig myself out of this hole I’ve dug. I need someone to talk to, I. Couldn’t bring myself to admit this to my parents or anyone else I know