Like the title says, I'm an asshole and I just don't seem to care anymore...... I've been on probation almost a year (which I knew wouldn't work) my life fell apart 6 months ago and I just keep fucking things up more and more. I violated probation, caught a new charge for possession for shit that wasn't even mine. All the courts asked was for me to get into treatment, well I'm fucking sick of jumping through hoops to please people that in my eyes don't fucking matter. I did go to inpatient for 3 weeks, but got high as soon as I came home, and continued to get high. Last Friday probation showed up and searched my motel room, was not good, they found my stem, spoon with a cotton in it, my needle and my pot pipe and some weed. The cop wasn't gonna arrest me, but probation pushed for it, so new charge for drug paraphernalia. I have court tomorrow and I'm looking at probably at least 4-6 months....... It's gonna be rough, I'm gonna detox from suboxone while I'm in there, it's almost 1:30 am and I can't shut my fucking brain off!! I did this to myself I know, I've had 6 months to get my shit together and do the "right thing" but I chose getting high over getting my life back...... Fuck me man..... Why do we do the things we do??? I'm 32 years old. Too old to keep doing this shit, I need to get off this road I'm on, but I like to get high and some days that's all that matters...... I'm an asshole.....