I don't even know where to begin. My life has fallen apart and I can't get my shit together this time. Not only do I suffer from PTSD but I have borderline personality disorder, panic attack associated with agoraphobia, and severe anxiety with bouts of paranoia........ I self medicated for years because I never got the professional help I needed (not for lack of trying) my mother started giving me her pain pills when I was between 13 nd 15. I was an addict by the time I was 18, I'm now 32 and extremely tired. My 9 year old daughter is depending on me to get my shit together so she can come home. Her behavior brought cps into our lives and my addiction and history just adds fuel to the fire. I am currently on probation, and fucking it all up. I I went to inpatient for almost 3 weeks but the mistake was going to a drug rehab nd not a dual diagnosis facility where they can really treat mental illness. I was medicated in there with Thorazine which is not a controlled substance but because it was only prescribed on a as needed basis I wasn't sent home with any. I was using when I came home. And back at work a week later. I didn't make any of my appointments and I'm out of time. I can't get past any of this and as bad as I want to I can't do the things I know I need to be getting done. My mental health is deteriorating and I'm so scared for myself and what is going to happen. I really feel like I need to be in a facility working on me. Out here I need to work to pay my way and I am just not capable of that lately, I worked for 3 weeks nd lost my job...... I'm not sure what I'm looking for from any of you who may read this...... I just don't know anymore