I’m a 29 Male and I’m now single for the first time since I was 18. I divorced my ex-wife 2 years ago, and just recently had a failed engagement with my ex-fiancée of almost 2 years. I found myself looking at LGBT porn more often than I was fulfilling my recent ex’s needs. I had no interest in her like that. I’ve also been struggling with my sexuality for years now, and have been wanting to experiment with other men. So now I’m single, and I spend hours at a time isolating myself and just masturbating to all kinds of porn until I feel pain in different spots on my body from all the pressure. I’ve spent money I didn’t have just for OF, I’ve sent consensual NSFW pics out strangers on dating apps and sexting subreddits. I used to not be like this, but I feel less depressed about my life when I’m masturbating. But when I finally finish, my body hurts, and I feel worse than before I started. I have no idea how to be on my own, and I have no idea why this is my coping mechanism. I quit smoking almost a year ago, and I feel like I need to either pick that up again, or keep my porn addiction to keep the dark and suicidal thoughts away. But like I said, I have even worse thoughts when I finish. I have no idea how to stop this without smoking again, or with letting the dark thoughts win.