It was my birthday on the 12th this month, and me & my mom had been constantly arguing over everything. She had her suspicions and was extra nosy with me all the time. I had absolutely no privacy & truly I had gotten to a breaking point after so long of doing good, staying on the right track. I had done one of the worst things I’ve ever done before. I was using this girl as a middleman since she had a plug for heroin and I was always nice to her so she’d connect me and I wouldn’t feel awkward asking. I ended up buying “street ready” heroin during the day of my birthday from an obvious junkie at a ghettoooo corner store because tnr girl wasn’t answering to communicate w the plug. I absolutely just wanted to shoot up a whole gram in one go after abusing my prescribed anxiety meds, and just go to heaven. After swallowing more than My twice a day meds I started to prepare it in a spoon. It was about to be midnight, my last celebration ever was about to happen. My mom came into my room while I was preparing it. She got so mad I ended up getting kicked out, but I didn’t end up using since I felt sick to my stomach that she saw the syringe, the spoon, etc. I gave everything I had just bought to her. I was mad but I wasn’t going to fight her over something that wasn’t worth it. It was like 30% and the rest was lactose. Nastiest shit I had ever received but that’s what happens when you’re so desperate, I was so desperate to find some I had picked up that random addict and risked my life not even knowing the guy or anything. It had been like 2 months with no job so my depression and frustration were through the roof by now. I finally landed a quick phone call interview & did really good that the supervisor actually wanted to interview me himself. I went the next day and was told I’d be receiving an email if I would get an offer or not. I had prayed a lot and asked God for help. I had said that if I got the job I would continue to not use. I ended up getting the job offer and I start in July. It’s actually a really great job opportunity, and incase I’m going back n forth from the topic, I didn’t use any heroin. I was inches away, a few minutes from overdosing. I can’t believe I was about to relapse. I’m not sure how I almost fell for it. My manic depression comes & goes but it’s been better since I did get the job and I actually started to begin driving with Lyft renting one of their vehicles since I don’t have one. Life is starting to look up. From now to July I’m going to be driving for Lyft then I’ll be starting my job at the company. I need to stay away from the bad. It’s tempting me again because life has been rough. I didn’t do anything for my birthday as it’s been like that find past decade. I just found out my brother is taking my siblings to Europe in July for his birthday. Makes me a little insecure. I just needed to vent. Thanks for your time