Sober since December, but this past week has definitely been a rough one… before I moved I had a good job and was on my way to saving for a home I had about 4k in savings after 3-4 months, and since I’ve moved w my family I haven’t been able to find work, in a city not knowing anybody, I am alone on this ride. It’s okay since I put myself here but I would like to feel like someone is there with me. Constant nagging about me working again makes me feel like sh*t honestly. I feel like a big loser bc I’m in my 20s. Aside from that I’ve just been real uncomfortable in my living situation … I haven’t seen a doctor in a few months either so no meds for my bipolar anxiety or sleep aids… I feel like everything is just crumbling right in front of me .. as I type this I’m wiping the tears falling down my face. I know I shouldn’t be angry with anyone and I try my best to keep it to myself but it just comes out and I don’t mean to. I got really angry yday because I went outside to throw away an apple, and of course my mom is curious and asks me, “did anyone come by to drop anything off for you?” And I tell her No, I just had thrown out an apple. She then still goes outside to check and asks me again… like that really got me mad because she obviously doesn’t trust me, so I told her to not do that because it gets me very very angry. To the point where I just want to relapse just to show it to her. Later on I went to the garage to workout, and opened the garage door to have air. She never checks but of course she had to open the door to check. And I got extremely mad bc I knew why she was checking. She asked me again this morning if someone dropped something off to me. I want to punch the wall, hurt myself in some way to numb the internal feeling I have inside. It’s rage, sadness, frustration, anger, crazy spiral of emotions. I’m trying so so so hard not to relapse. Again posting this because a lot of my posts are very happy & what not but to all the ppl that think pills or whatever drug is fun, this is what will happen to you. Drugs r momentarily fun as a kid but if you like the feeling of it then you’re fucked. Try to stop now before it gets worst. I’m feeling really lost n bummed out, but I still want to keep my sobriety up. I hate this feeling these emotions are killing me softly. Prayers to my brothers and sisters xx