So I'm terribly addicted to meth as a way of coping with the year or so of loss that I've been enduring. I wanted to note, I guess, publicly where I'm at right now. Maybe I'd feel accounted for and more apt to quit?

I've been smoking for 4 years now after relapsing, I had been sober 3 days shy of 3 years when I caved.

I've lost all but my parasitic friends that I've become codependent to. I've changed from a steady course of work into a chaotic self induced line of employment. I'm starting to see physical degradation, especially where I've been obsessively picking at my skin. I've spent my savings, and my mom's savings, and an currently just skating by. I've watched my family give up respect for me, because I don't care for myself and didn't show myself respect.

I've spent the last 7 months or so studying my behavior to try and quit for good, and I've made a lot of decent findings. I'd like to share them here with you all over time, but here is one tidbit of what I'm working on.

Currently I'm trying to be more present when I'm smoking, and have more compassion for myself while making the process of smoking difficult to do. I do this by saying a prayer and taking a few deep breaths before getting any sort of apparatus from my cabinet. However, my cabinet that holds my glass is located away from where I smoke and the substance is also in a cabinet... On the opposite side of the room in which the glass is in. This way, when I want to use there are obnoxious steps that keep me from getting to my coping skill. While I'm getting it all together is when I force myself to be present and pray. I find that a few times, the obnoxious steps have been enough for me to say "no. I'm going to bed." Or "ugh. I don't have time." and stops the flow of use for me. These stops are small and sparatic, but these practices have definitely helped me Gain more control over my dissociation/mindless smoking.

Hope that helps