I’ve posted in here a while back but I haven’t been able to keep up long term sobriety, I always find myself falling back to old ways. I’m in an IOP program, and I recently just got a sponsor (my LCDC told me to do so) but I still don’t feel that I truly want to be sober even tho ik it is what is best. I’ve ODd, been locked up several times, been to rehab several times, and am still currently on papers so ik where drugs get you. Even with all this proof that drugs are no good I still don’t want to “not ever be high again” and the thought scares me. I am however able to control the extent to which I use like I can use 3 days out of the week, and go the rest of the week sober, and even be sober weeks at a time, but like I said I still don’t want to never feel a high again. I feel like I’m different from the average addict as I workout out for 2 hours every day, and can go a while without using. Can other addicts do this or maybe I am mistaken? Or maybe I can just stick with weed ?

A little more insight is I am 17 years old and I’ve used Weed, alcohol, benzos of all sorts, dilaudid, percs, oxy, hydros, lean, heroin, coke, MDMA, lsd, shrooms, adderall, ketamine, and will mix substances a lot. My drugs of choice are weed and h (not IV) but any insight on my situation would be much appreciated.