So if you saw my previous post you know I’m in a shitty situation. I don’t need any “aw I’m sry hope life gets better 4 u!!1” I need guidance, help by talking. I don’t want to relapse. I am a recovering drug addict. I started with benzos, then went higher w dosages & dif pills which lead me to heroin. I had a life changing spiritual experience a few months back, which has made me rethink my life, so I stopped using from one day to the next. With the thanks of my Methadone clinic. I wouldn’t have made it without them. I wasn’t able to afford the $100/wk anymore, so I got into a Suboxone clinic which charges $70/wk (I moved cities in my other city the sub clinic was $40 a week) I’m not addicted nor do I even like taking methadone or suboxone. The taste is horrible & disgusting idk how people get hooked on it. My last month at the methadone clinic there was people there for over 10 yrs and still couldn’t get off H because they were so comfortable being fixable with methadone. I’m not that type of person. I’ve prayed, I’ve reached out to NA groups and I did go to one last night as a last resort and the group could only feel bad for me & tell me to try to start working. I have 10 yrs of professional work experience and I haven’t had any call backs, I did get one for taco cabana for $13 an hour and only 3 people are on shift the whole time so basically slave work from what I saw. My last job paid me $16/hr plus tips just to stand in the front to look cute. I can’t afford to pay my suboxone clinic and I’m scared that I’m going to relapse bc this past 1-2 weeks of not being able to find work as left me in a depressed state of mind, and it’s crazy because I’ve been super super happy ever since my transformation as I refer to it. I’ll be six months sober in June which is my birth month… I’m so excited and happy and proud of myself. I know I’m strong minded and have will power, but if someone showed me heroin I would probably take it even though I say I wouldn’t. I’m just not strong enough mentally right now as I would like to be. Sorry for ranting. My mind is all over the place hence I go from topic to topic it’s hard to focus on just one thing.