im out to my mom and friends. i have a girlfriend who I've been with for four years now (3 years as friends and 1 year as lovers) which my mom also knows of. s far i thought she was okay with it but recently we had a fight because she expressed that eventually we'd break up and I'd realize it was a phase. i didnt go thru that much bullshit in highschool just for it to be a phase what the fuck?? anyways

we're at our ancestral home where my grandparents and relatives live, its on this island which is furthest from the mainland. every time we sit to eat dinner i keep hearing abt how when everyone (relatives from another country) comes home theyd be with their partners and itd be more fun. and the topic of my cousins' dating life comes up and they keep asking me (im close to my cousins) abt their partners. we're at the age where bringing home and introducing a partner to the family is expected. we're catholic so blessings and stuff. its so fucking frustrating to hear my mom talk abt how my cousin can bring home his girlfriend when our other cousins bring home their partners so we can have a huge get-together. she's acting like i dont have a girlfriend, like i never introduced my gf to her. I've been with my gf longer than my cousins have known their current partners.

every time i even try to come out even with small clues my mom would change the subject to avoid my grandmother even knowing. i know shes fucking homophobic mom we're traditional as shit but she should at least know?? like its either she knows and she dies or she doesnt know, she still dies! mom keeps giving me looks whenever i try to bring up the topic and it makes me sick. is she that ashamed of me?? damn.

anyways i go back home on saturday, I'll go see my girlfriend and my best friend whos a gay man that my family is trying to push into being my boyfriend. i hate this. "oooh whos this [bsf's name]" HE HAS A BOYFRIEND. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. FOR FUCKS SAKE

(also unrelated to being a lesbian but this is on top of the fact my grandfather, aka the one im closer to, is bedridden and i havent step foot in his room since i got here because im scared as shit I'd have a breakdown in front of him so yey i want to go home and sob til i pass out)