Hi. Just silent reader of this sub. I was inspired to post my confession here because I'm too chicken to say it publicly, so here it goes;

I'm just 24 years old and basically confused with my sexual orrientation. Let's say I'm NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) or even no girlfriend since birth. I have old and very conservative parents that if I come out as a lesbian, I'll probably be disowned by my loving yet homophobic father. I know a bit contradicting with the whole loving yet will disown me thing, but trust me, he's very traditional because of his age (74 years old). Likewise, I'd break their heart if ever I come out.

But wait come out? I thought you're only confused? I just know that I have never had any romantic feelings towards guys maybe because of my experience of going to an all girl High School (can I add it was a Catholic school too) but at the same time, I've never been in a relationship with a girl. All I know is that there's something different with me. I've had girl crushes during HS, but never acted on it because I was brought up that it's wrong for girls to love girls in that way. Anyway, the last time I fell hard for someone was 7 years ago and unfortunately I haven't met anyone interesting since. It was my first serious love. I got drunk on liquid courage, confessed my feelings for her and well I was rejected. I got really bitter, but it wasn't her fault... maybe I got bitter because I couldn't accept that I liked girls. I think I've moved on since then, but sometimes I regret losing her as a friend.

The closest thing that I do now just to feel something is reading shoujo-ai or yuri manga and watching movies or series with lesbians in it. I get butterflies in my stomach and for just that moment I feel happy.

Recently, I had my hair cut really short and I felt relief. When I had long hair, I always tied it up. Having short hair now made me feel free and it just felt right despite my father's remarks that I looked like a "tibo" (Filipino term for a lesbian). I act like I dislike it, but deep down, is this what I want?

Is this what coming out feels like? Would I be happier if I came out? All that I know is that it's just a fantasy for me. I'll just be in the closet forever and be an old maid because I can never be myself. Anyway, what I'm just trying to confess to all of you is that I'm confused and perhaps gay? Thank you for taking the time to read this.