So these things have been on my mind quite a bit lately since the major part happened the summer I turned sixteen.

When I was fourteen I fell in love with a girl. I remember I used to catch her watching me in class and during our weekly class trips to the school library. When I would notice, she would smile and nod hello. I would just nod right back with a confused look on my face cause we had never talked. Eventually our mutual friend introduced us because we had both started questioning him about the other and he had grown tired of the daily interrogations lol.

She and I quickly became good friends. One day as we walked late to gym, we were messing around and she asked me to kiss her. At first I thought she was joking, (especially since she was seeing some guy) then she got dead serious and repeated herself, so I kissed her. Not long after that it became a regular thing for us to sneak off between classes, sometimes during, and we'd go make out or in a secluded area. I felt guilty, especially cause the poor guy she was with would notice certain things. She would seek me out and ask that I walk her to class. Most of the time her boyfriend and friends would trail behind. We'd hang out outside of her class while we waited for the second bell to ring, and she would bury her face into my neck while I held her. All the while, her boyfriend and I would be looking at each other awkwardly. The same thing would happen after school. He questioned it several times but I guess was always satisfied with whatever she would tell him.

Apart from that small bit of pda, we kept everything else hidden for the next 2 years.

At least we did until the end of sophomore year. It was my birthday and she had asked to meet at one of our usual spots during 6th period. We met up and she gave me a gift (newly released Paramore album) and we spent the rest of the time just talking and making out. We were in the zone so we didn't hear anyone approaching until we heard two voices say, "What the fuck?" and "Oh shit". We pulled away and glanced over realizing it was my brother and his girlfriend. They walked off without saying much else but we could hear his gf giggling.

We were both terrified and I was on the verge of having a panic attack. I was deep in the closet and she wasn't even sure if she liked all girls or just me. Also my legal guardians were hateful, intolerant and abusive and my brother's gf knew her sister and some of her friends, so we were both terrified that these people would find out everything we had been hiding and denying the past 2 years. We agreed to take a break and I left school a bit early, rushing home in an attempt to get ahead of things. I was freaking out while I waited for my brother to come home. I felt like I could still smell the girl on me so I went to change and decided to wash my clothes so I could deny things if he decided to open his mouth.

Not long after, I heard the door while I was setting the washer and as I turned to leave the wash room to talk to him, I just saw a fist coming at my face. My brother beat the shit out of me while he called me a "dyke" and a "faggot". I could barely wrap my head around what was happening and was unable to defend myself. I remember my head crashing into something (the sink) as I fell but he still wouldn't let up. He kept wailing on me while he yelled about how I embarrassed him and about how everyone at school was gonna know I was a dyke. I remember just laying there in a ball, crying as he stormed off. I was a bit disoriented but could hear him destroying something. I got up once I heard the door to his room close and when I got to the living room I saw the torn little birthday bag and the broken cd I had not even had the chance to listen to. I collected the mess and took it to my room where I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It looked like I was growing a second head on my forehead and like I had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson.

My brother never said anything else about the incident although he constantly made remarks about my sexuality to scare me, basically letting me know he could out me at any given time. As for the girl, we spent the next day together outside of school after she saw the mess that was my face. She was too afraid for the both of us and decided it would be best if that was our last day together then ended up transferring out the second day of junior year.

Tl;dr: I fell in love with a girl when I was a teen and my brother beat the fuck outta me when he found out.