Hey everyone! I am really in need of some friends so here goes;

From very early ages I knew I had no sexual attraction towards anyone. I always strived to be a child that my parents would be proud of and I only seeked for academic validation. As a result, while being the favorite student to most teachers I didn't have many friends. I've always struggled with self love bc of my appearance (hence my last post on r/dykesgonemild) but now I realize when boys would make fun of my ugliness and call me names I didn't really care but when a girl called me monkey my self-esteem took a huge blow.

I've since noticed some other signs such as watching tv shows, movies just to enjoy the beauty of the actress (cough gossip girl cough) and sometimes I see visions of me with a girl waking up next to each other in a beautiful house by the sea(sounds weird I know). I never wanted a romantic relationship with either gender but now I am in a complicated situation and the thing is I don't want to live a lie or waste anyone's time including my own. But since I live in the middle east its not like I can live happily ever after with a girl or something like that ( I am not even sure what my sexuality is).

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I feel stuck and really need someone to talk to right now, my pms are open to anyone who wants to talk :) Sorry for my English and sorry for the long post!