Hey guys. I just wanna share my story of what happened with my ex gf whom I had a relationship with for 5 years. Our relationship was imperfect like any normal couples. Had ups and downs, fights and such. She's my date to marry one and my greatest love. There are times she told me that she sometimes fell out of love, so I kept trying to win her back. I'm not perfect as well, I'm having a hard time communicating how I feel, resulting in me keeping how I trully feel when I'm hurt. But I always try my best to let her know carefully how she hurt me, but it will always comes back to me as 'I did that because you made me felt like that'. Ever since I heard that from her, i stopped telling her how I feel cuz I felt like what I felt is invalid. Of course I reflect on what she said for me to avoid it letting it happen again. I don't want her to feel like she's invalidated, i let her do things she likes and go out even.

But the last time we broke up, we tried again after a month of not talking. However, that trial we did was something like a friends with benefits type of situation. I love her so much. So we're like an unofficial copuple. I kept trying to reconnect with her until she met her professor. Which is older than me for about 3 years but still in his 20s. That dude has a complicated relationship when they met. Until my ex and that professor started to let each other know their feelings with each other whilst still having me as an unofficial gf and the professor having his gf. The prof and the gf eventually broke up, resulting to my ex and him started dating and even introduced to his parents already. I knew the professor's story because my ex told me everything. In a way that she is proud. Telling me she just appreciated him. But ending in choosing him because 'her heart chosed him'. Of course I ended the relationship. But damn, i felt betrayed. Because she told me we may have a chance on getting back with each other. Then ending on falling in love with the professor? I know that one factor is because I work graveyard and she's in college. But damn how. She then told me, when she gave us a chance one last time, being unofficially together, she lost her love for me. I dont know if she just told me that so I could just start moving on but how can I move on to the one I prayed and looked forward to exploring life together. I kept gaslighting myself that what she did is not cheating but why do I felt betrayed. I cannot even put her name in shame or even badmouth her. Why do i feel like she won? This all happened on Christmas last year, the holiday I'm excited to always celebrate it with her. I'm not chasing her anymore but do y'all think should I still give the necklace I prepared for her as a gift when we're still okay? Since right after Christmas supposed to be our anniversary. I prepared gifts early cuz I planned on surprising her but she was the one who gave me a surprise haha. Should I give it to her still?

Anyways, thanks for the time in reading my rant and grief. I don't really have friends I can tell this to.

Take care y'all.