So, I'm an 18 yr old lesbian, and I haven't really had a chance yet to get into an actual in-person lesbian relationship. A few years ago, after abnormal changes to my personality / body, I was diagnosed with a somewhat rare hormonal disorder. I don't want to get too much into it, but basically, in the way my doctor put it to make it easy to understand, my body doesn't really know how to properly produce the right hormones. For example, if I'm happy for too long, my body will produce hormones which causes me to lose that happiness. Or, when my hormones change rapidly it produces way more than it should. So in cases like where I'm in pain, it produces about 2-3x as many of the normal pain hormones (cortisol, Endorphins, etc). That example I can handle when it happens, but it gets really scary for me when it involves pleasure hormones. This is where it gets a little nsfw, but bare with me here. When I experience sexual pleasure, I start feeling so good and euphoric that it's intoxicating. Not like, actual intoxicating, but it's the closest thing to it. It's like taking opioid medication. If you take it when you're not feeling any serious pain, you feel especially good & euphoric, and that's what it's like for me every time I get very aroused. When I'm alone, this isn't exactly a bad thing because I can just be in my room not around any people. But, if I'm around someone else, or if I'm talking with someone else online, my "intoxication" really starts to show. I feel so good that I start not thinking properly, which has led me to accidentally abuse people in the past. Just like taking actual opioids, it's really hard for me to stop, unless my hormone production naturally comes to a stop, so that would be after multiple orgasms. As someone who has nearly been raped before, it really worries me what I might do to other people if I get sexual with a girlfriend in real life. This "intoxication", as I mentioned, has already caused really bad issues from people I talk to online. This includes showing naked pictures of myself that I normally wouldn't show anyone at all. Hopefully that puts it into scope how much this disorder of mine could affect my future girlfriend in real life.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, girls. I've been debating making this post for a long time just because it contains really sensitive topics obviously and I thought maybe people would find me weird, or that a lot of men would enter my DMs because they think this is hot or something, idk. I just hope maybe there's someone out there who has gone through something similar who can give tips, or just anyone out there who has any ideas on what I can do for the future to prevent my disorder from causing problems. Thank you!

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