so im gonna maybe frame this a little differently. a lot of people are talking about if you see them as leople. while i think thats the essence of what defines fetishization, i dont think thats a particularly useful tool for reflection. like, how do i know if im dehumanizing someone or just particularly horny? how do i know if im being appreciative or if im otherizing?

for me, the question is about your actions. when youre courting a trans woman, do you get to know her before talking about her genitals? if she says she doesnt like to use her genitals during sex, do you respect that or do you try to convince her otherwise?

during the first time you have sex with her, would you demand she use her genitals if she expressed discomfort? do you ask before touching?

in a relationship, would you discourage someone from getting bottom surgery? how would you feel if they stopped wanting to have sex using their genitals? would you be upset with them if they were usually comfortable with their genitals, but expressed a desire to not use them at other times.

i think its okay to watch porn of trans girls and be into it. the important thing is to treat all women with respect, trans or otherwise.