I'm really missing my ex. It's been almost a week since things ended. Some things have gotten easier and others not. I love them and hate having hurt them, but their manic episodes resulted in a lot of pain both big and small. Pain I couldn't endure and pain they couldn't easily self regulate enough to not inflict.

It was often personal attacks against me, against themselves or our relationship and life together. It was hard, and I know they tried hard when they were stable to make amends and give as much love as possible, but it was just too much. To hard to handle and process the hurt on top of the ways it triggered childhood traumas around instability and insecurity.

I know this all, but I still miss them. Everyday things feel different I'm reminded of how much good there was and how much I miss the ways they showed love I'd never thought I'd find.