I transitioned 7 years ago from MTF. It wasn't easy the first year, but life got more fabulous as time went on. I met a guy, moved across the country, and started a business.

Then, the last few years something shifted in my identity as a woman, and the effort I was putting in every day started to turn against me. No matter how stylish I tried to be, what makeup I used, or how much I worked out, it seemed that my female body was determined to keep me down. I started realizing how critical of myself I had become in this incredibly superficial city. Weight gain, depression, isolation, dysmorphia, fear of meeting new people. Business wise I was doing great, but personally I was completely alone, with the exception of my male best friend who is wonderful but can't fully understand the trans experience as a cis-het male.

So with a lot of talks, soul searching, and baby steps, the last few weeks I have been taking steps to detrans. At first I thought, "Can I really do this? I'll take it slow." But each baby step has led to a bigger step, and it has been truly awakening and exciting. With the purchase of a couple guy clothing items, yesterday I finally cleaned out my closet of all the girly stuff. Incredible how much space I used as a woman! Goodbye dresses I never wore because I thought I looked fat, goodbye shirts I didn't wear because my shoulders were too exposed making me feel manly and shameful. Goodbye heels I was ashamed to wear because I thought they made me clockable! My bathroom counter cluttered with makeup, drawers filled with hair ties and other girly items, all emptied. 4 bags of stuff that never served me, never made me truly feel fulfilled, and I am finally set free!

I've been journaling each day in my phone notes, to track my thoughts. Today I typed that I've worn guy clothes all day and it feels fucking amazing. I saved one girl outfit which I need to wear 2 more times, once for a meeting and once to get my lip injections dissolved. Then Tuesday I get all my long hair cut off into something handsome and I won't look back at my womanhood again! I can't say every day will be smooth sailing but it has already been FAR smoother transitioning back to a guy than it EVER was becoming a woman. I feel set free! Anyway. Just wanted to share my experience, if anyone has any questions or feedback, I'm here to support where I can!