as a woman i never had any desire whatsoever in the slightest to be feminine and i hated being feminine with my entire being. the thought of it extremely angers me when im a woman. but when im living as a trans man and look male to the outside world, each time, i would get very soft and nurturing and meek feminine-acting and want to be more feminine. i have no idea why this is.

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and no its not that i was secretly wanting to be feminine as a woman but just felt uncomfortble to express it. no, i genuinely just didnt want to be. i also was/am a very very aggressive and angry person as a woman, but when im on T i got very calm and chill. ive been off T for a long time now, some months, and i already feel all my pure anger and rage coming back, along with desires to inflict pain. which is very opposite to my expereiences as a trans man, instead of inflicting pain i wanted to nurture. i felt very nurturing and affectionate. i was overalll just a much nicer person on T. despite that ppl still treat me better as a cis woman vs as a trans man even tho im literally ABUSIVE as a cis woman lmao. ppl r so dumb.

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as a trans man i acted a lot like a soft femboy and no i wasnt doing it to blend in, no i wasnt in any femboy communities, no to any of that. thats just how i wanted to express myself as a man.