my research groupmate (sharon) never gets bad feedback from our prof, and i notice he always uses the word 'great' when referring to her work. he always uses the word 'good' when referring to mine, and i don't think he's impressed with my work as much as sharon's.

my friends tell me i'm overthinking it, especially because my prof does say we're doing great work (when referring to us in general). he also never pointed out what's wrong with my work. no one tells me i am fucking things up, but it bugs me so much that i'm good and not great....

so i finally asked him yesterday about how i can do better as i suspected something was off with a recent update i made. after hearing his response i now know why sharon's work is deemed better (although he didn't explicitly say this). it's not that big of a deal and i'm fixing mine now, but i can't help but feel envy that i couldn't be as perfect as her in my prof's eyes.

has anyone been in a similar situation? i am now spiraling a bit because i worry that i've ruined my chances to be in this research group for longer because i've made a bad impression. i spent like 4 hours just sobbing, worried even after i polish my work, my prof will still think it's not great.

i'm not only worried i'm an imposter, now i'm worried about feeling like i'm in a constant rivalry with people i'm in a group with. i don't want academia to turn me into someone like that. sharon is actually very nice to me and not a dick at all, but i can't help this need to feel 'chosen' over her. if she gets offered another job and i don't i would be very devastated and i feel horrible for being this petty. for example, i have a meeting with them soon and i keep thinking sharon will get praise for doing things faster since i'm currently experiencing a setback (since i have to make edits that sharon doesn't need to do).