Hello everyone, a reminder that we have a strict rule against victim-blaming and being unkind towards others in our sub.

Recently (and unfortunately always) there have been a flurry of comments interrogating posters as to "why they haven't just left" and telling posters they have no self-respect if they "choose" to stay in an abusive relationship. These comments invalidate survivors and ignore the numerous reasons why abusive relationships can be so difficult to leave: financial dependence, children, marriage, lack of community support, stigma, weapons in the home, fear, threats, immigration status, love, fear of police, lack of recognition of the abuse, gaslighting, and many many more.

I understand emotions can run high because abuse can cause many complicated and confusing feelings and trauma that can be painful and hard to deal with.

However, we all need to remember that this is a support sub for abuse survivors. Name-calling, insults, invalidation, and blaming merely replicate and mirror the behaviors that many people in this sub are trying to recover from experiencing.

If you see a comment that is abusive or invalidating (including comments attacking someone for not leaving), please report it to us mods so we can remove it and take additional action such as banning if needed. We are a very small mod team but take abusive behavior in our sub very seriously.

It's better to report the comment to us than to engage with the commenter, which can sometimes escalate and detract attention from the original poster's needs when posting.

Sometimes people will disagree about certain posts or statements, and that's fine. There may be opportunities to politely educate one another. But telling posters that they are lying about the abuse, blaming them for the abuse, namecalling during disagreements, and other examples won't be tolerated here.

Let's all work together to ensure this is a safe and supportive sub for anyone who needs it! :)