We've been apart for about 3 months now after dozens of failed breakups. I went through a phase of trying to forgive him but it just doesn't feel right. I can't forgive him and I don't feel like he deserves my forgiveness. I will always hate him for what he put me through.

I will never forget begging him to stop saying he hates me, curling up in a ball while he yells at me for hours on end, sitting on the floor crying after he finished attacking me, feeling emotionally numb as I just waited for him to stop strangling me, feeling immense guilt anytime I tried fighting back, having my self esteem destroyed and blaming myself for the insecurities he gave me, loving him with all my heart even as he was telling me all the reasons he hated me.

Now he's moved on to someone new while I'm left behind to build myself back up. He's told her how crazy I acted after the breakup, that's who I am now in their world, the crazy ex. I never won.