I have been told by several people including two of my therapists that my mother has abusive tendencies. Sometimes I tell myself that it’s just extrapolation, but something I realized is that when she fucks up, she really fucks up. It was tax day. I didn’t get some of my W2s and my mother was livid. Instead of understanding that there was some mistake, she kept telling me I was going to go to prison for tax evasion. I decided I was having none of it and drove off. I went to the middle of nowhere with the intent of self harm, but in my time alone with my thoughts I wrecked my car. I was then dragged back to my moms house who then continued to remind me of my situation and that I was supposedly going to prison, and now that I wrecked my car I have nothing. I then took a tie and tried to strangle myself. My father ended up getting physical with me and said that my behavior wasn’t cute. Even though he heard everything that happened between me and my mother. I was then hauled to the hospital tied to the stretcher so tight I couldn’t move, and I spent the night there.

I know that was a lot but when my mother tries to fight with me I don’t egg her on. I just sit there and let her vommit her words out. One day this came to a head when she had me come over to go to a fireworks show, but once I got there she decided she didn’t want to go. Knowing that I was there for nothing I made plans with a friend but she then got mad at me and dragged me with her. She spent the whole night calling me ungrateful and inflexible. Even though she canceled her own plans until the last minute. At one point we were alone and I kept giving her the silent treatment, on which she called me out on saying “you need some new material, it’s getting old!” To which I responded “the last time I had new material you put me in the hospital!” She then retorted with “you put yourself in the hospital!”. My father having none of it decided to walk home from the event and k refused to go home with her because the last thing I needed was her tormenting me telling me how I ruin everything when it’s her own damn fault.

I’m tired of this!