Not sure if this is the right sub, I guess I just want to get this off my chest and share my experience but here goes.

My boyfriend and I were being really stupid with protection recently so me getting pregnant was both of our faults and not really a surprise. We had a feeling we were pregnant for a week and a bit as I was having a lot of early pregnancy symptoms and things just felt off for me. I took the test last Wednesday and it was positive. I knew for certain I was pregnant for two whole days before we went through with the abortion process.

My bf and I are not really in a position to raise a child yet, financially, emotionally, or physically. We’re also not married yet, and our families know we’re not ready for children, so we knew we weren’t gonna get a lot of support/people wouldn’t be happy about the pregnancy. I’m definitely not seeking out to be a mom as there is a lot of growth and development I need to undergo to be the mother I want to be, so I’m sure we were doing what’s best for everyone, but I still can’t help but feel terrible about it. I just know the pills worked because I don’t feel my baby in there anymore. I was only 5 weeks along but I still felt a connection (I’m a sensitive person). I thought I would be so relieved and would be able to continue on with my life after terminating the pregnancy but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I keep crying every time I think about our unborn child. I feel a deep sadness every time I see another baby or toddler. I didn’t wanna be a mom but I didn’t want to get rid of my baby. Maybe it’s all the emotions from the hormonal changes but I’m devastated. My life and my body feel so off. I keep telling myself I would have fought for this child even if the whole world was against me. I would have walked through anything to support my baby. I know my bf would have too. We definitely want to have kids in the future, but I feel guilty thinking about that. I’m always gonna remember our first one that never made it because we were too stupid to be careful with protection. This whole thing was fucked for him too, especially after seeing me cry multiple times and holding me through it. We agreed that if we get pregnant again, we’re going through with it. But now I can’t go back and change anything. Everyone, be safe and think twice before making any drastic decisions.