The way this works is your cell says "blocked" (which is okay - phone trees always say that) and then you pick up and a robot says "you. Have a pre.paid.call. From."

" "

"Dante Orpilla!"

"An. Inmate. At. Sheridan Federal Correctional Facility."

"To reject this call, hang up. To accept this call, press 5 on your touch-tone phone. To block all further contact from this inmate, press. Star."

Brief call. My first. He thanked me for "almost everything" I do (I said "almost everything?" and laughed), said the class is about an 80% sure thing, mentioned that someone sent him three books that are going to be the core of his cirriculum and asked after me and my wife. I told him life could be worse; I get up at 4 or 5, ride my bike up the beach and up ballona creek for about eight miles, sit down and mix television for eight hours or so, collect a phatty paycheck and then ride my bike eight miles back. All in all, things could be worse.

He laughed heartily at that.

The timer then went off and I told him he called while I was making dinner.

"Oh, you gotta tell me what you're cookin'," he said.

Well, nothing special, I said. I mean, you know I'm working on (redacted cooking show). I then opined that it was likely better than anything he'd had in a while.

"Yeah, it's been pretty bad. I just treated myself to a tuna and I only do that like two or three times a week."

Like, a can of tuna?

"Yeah, but they don't let us have like cans."

So, like one of those little pouches of tuna? - Say, how much is this call costing you?

"When all is said and done, about four bucks."

Holy shit. Well, I better not keep you.

"No, but I needed to call. And you need to tell me what you're cooking."

*Nothin' special. Some home-made hash browns - *

"Mmmmm!"

*Some bacon - *

"MMMM!"

and some basil, tomato and perlini salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

And then we were disconnected.

Two days pay right there.