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I would appreciate feedback on this flash fiction (500 word) thriller story I just wrote, thanks!
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Title: From Drizzle to Downpour

It was a rainy day and she loved days like that. She woke up early and tiptoed across the cool terracotta tile of her dim lit bedroom to switch off the stand lamp.The tiles felt too cold against her feet, still carrying the residual warmth of eight hours in a cashmere blanket well worth the lavish price. It was a gift. Earned in favors of all sorts. She forced herself to stand still and let the cold leach into the soles. Then she was off to the coffee machine like a bolt of lightning. She poured it in an ember travel mug. Also a gift, this one from her mom. It was laser engraved with her name and the fine carved letters stood out in stark contrast. Azul in blue script against the mug's white face. Black coffee in the middle, no milk or sugar to soften it. She didn’t drink it yet; just left it there on the kitchen island, close to the door. She’d grab it on her way out.

When she was dressed, her keys jingled like tinny bells as she clutched them in one hand, mug in the other, jelly bagel between the teeth. She got the door with her foot in a complex movement and locked it with one smooth twist of her fingers. No umbrella, but her raincoat would do just fine on her walk. From her rain boots, shearling lined but waterproof, to her convertible raincoat covered head, she was prepared. She was also excited and her body buzzed with energy. Something about the rain calmed her where it disturbed others. That’s what got her up at six o’clock on a Saturday to venture into the fall morning drizzle.

Outside, she was relaxed. Her free arm waved about in the wind, catching wayward drops on the soft skin of her palms. She sipped her coffee as she walked along the sidewalk of her silent little suburb. Nobody mowing the lawn, no kids in the streets, and not a car going by. Benefits of a rainy Saturday.

The vibration of her cellphone followed by the first notes of the ringtone made her jolt in the quiet. She hustled under one of the maple trees nearby and went to check the screen with slightly narrowed eyes.

Everything that followed was so quick that it passed in a mere couple minutes. A large palm came around to cover her eyes, blanketing the bridge of her aquiline nose in the process. At almost the same time her lips and nostrils were met with a cloying and wet cloth. She struggled violently but she had to fight against the weight of her coat and the unmoving wall of a body close behind her. When he dragged her into the waterproofed interior of his car, he didn’t struggle much. She wore heavy clothes but she was a slight girl. Her ‘azul’ marked mug, abandoned in a shallow puddle, slowly spilled out to blacken it to a murky pool.

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3 years ago