A few months ago, my colposcopy came back positive for HPV16 and was told I need to have a LEEP to get rid of the abnormal cells. The LEEP was absolutely awful. I was in severe pain, and felt basically everything despite the very painful cervical lidocaine injections I was given. Other people I know personally who received the procedure told me that they were basically numb in their entire pelvic region after receiving general anesthetic. This was absolutely not the case for me. I also could smell burning flesh, taste copper and experienced ringing in my ears when the wire loop was applied to the cervix.

My doctor also kept telling me that I needed to calm down (I was crying, shaking and hyperventilating) because it was making it harder to perform the procedure. Being told to calm down when I'm panicking usually makes me worse, so it was very difficult to relax. When I went back for my one week follow-up I was told that my cervix was healing, but that the doctor didn't remove all of the abnormal cells and my margins were not clear, so I need to have the procedure done again.

I am absolutely crushed and keep blaming myself for getting anxious and shaking because I'm afraid I caused the doctor to perform the procedure incorrectly. I tried so hard but it was completely involuntary. The dr. told me before the first procedure that it is very rare for this to be performed a second time, so this is a red flag to me. She also told me that she was conservative about how much tissue she removed as not to affect any pregnancies I may have in the future. She is aware that I never plan to have children so it is upsetting that she was not mindful of my lifestyle preferences and plans for the future.

This is also extremely burdensome financially as I am paying for this entire course of treatment out of pocket, and will need to pay a high amount, including expensive co-pays, once again. I can't shake the feeling that my experience was abnormal and I should seek treatment elsewhere.

Can anyone let me know if this is something that happens a lot or if I should be concerned about the care I received? I'm very scared.

Thank you. <3