Crossposted on r/ComedicNosleep

I squeezed a lemon into my tea and frowned as several seeds spat from the fruit and scattered across the counter. Today was not my day. I had already overslept, gotten toothpaste on my shirt and shampoo in my eye - all before noon. Still sleepy, I grabbed my laptop and tea, and went to my favorite working spot on the front porch.

Across the street, my neighbor was mowing their lawn. I accidentally made eye contact. We shared a wave- them enthusiastically. Me, begrudgingly. Opening my laptop- and making it clear I had no intention of being more sociable than necessary- I began scanning emails.

Even though it was a Saturday, I liked routine. Also as a wedding planner, there really was no rhyme or reason to my work week. One missed weekend email could wreak havoc on a whole project and I was already adding an asshole tax to my current clients bill.

Time passed quickly as I answered emails, updated spreadsheets and wondered why the hell everyone was so obsessed with June. By the time I paused to glance away from my gmail, it was almost 5.

Shit… I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing at this time. I can tell you exactly how many powder blue carnations Amanda wants at her reception but not a damn thing about my own “plans” or “personal life”. These thoughts were still nagging me when Brendan paraded up my driveway on a scooter.

“You forgot.” He said, taking off his helmet.
“Did not.” I totally had but being defensive was easier than being wrong. He raised an eyebrow in what I think was meant to be rogue-like disdain, then pointed at my pants. My very pink, very fuzzy, pajama pants.

“Okay, fine I forgot.”

“I knew you would, which why I brought Chinese”.
Opening the container on the back of the scooter, he produced a large, brown take out bag.

Several wontons and a glass of wine later, I started my rant about my current client.

“You have got to be shitting me. She didn't say that to the caterer.”

“Yup. The whole menu scrapped because it didn't taste right’ with her new diet powder. She already asked for gluten free and paleo.”

“You know they put tapeworm eggs in that right?”

I shrugged. “ Amanda swears it’s some miracle enzyme, witchcraft or some other shit. Regardless, the caterer is pissed.”
We shared a laugh. A gentle breeze ruffled my hair as a salamander crawled across the banister.

“He having a barbeque?” Asked Brendan.
Across the street, several cars had gathered in the driveway. More cars were arriving and parking on the street.

“She- and also probably not. They do a thing every so often with some friends I guess.”

Brendan started on about his band’s new album. It was their “Metamorphosis into higher art” as they tried a new sound. I appreciated that he wasn’t quitting his graphic design job any time soon. Across the street, another car parked and the straggler dashed from their car, nearly tripping on their robes.

“- but yeah. You should come to our launch party. “
“ Of course.” I said absentmindedly
“Is it a date?”

I froze. Even if I liked the guy I was not ready for the actual conversation.

“I mean...we could just be in the same place enjoying each others company on a day with an assigned date in the calendar- if that makes you more comfortable.”
I snorted. He chuckled and it was way more attractive than it ought to be.
Then a chimpanzee merged with a dragon. Or that’s what it sounded like.

Across the street, the windows were glowing red.
“What the actual hell!?!?” Brendan was on his feet.
“Eh….it should be fine. This happens every so often.”
The glass in the bottom floor windows shattered and all the car alarms on the street went off. Brendan’s scooter did it’s valiant best to join in.
‘We need to get inside!” Brendan grabbed my arm, his other on the doorknob.

“Usually they keep it under control.” I held his hand gently. He looked at me like I was insane then pulled out his phone.
“I’m calling the police!”

Suddenly the light in the windows flashed from red to white. The light grew so bright that even with my eyes closed I could still see it.There was a crash and suddenly I was pulled out of my chair as Brendan shielded me.

As quickly as the light started, it vanished. The sudden lack of light was somehow worse. We both sat upright, rubbing our eyes. An eerie silence took over the street and I realized that the car alarms had stopped.

Across the street, all the car windows were broken. Glass littered the freshly mowed lawn. Then slowly, the pieces of glass began to hover. It was beautiful and I thanked every deity there might be that Amanda wasn’t here to get ideas.
Before our eyes, all the windows rebuilt themselves. Within a minute, everything had returned to normal. Except for the large basket that had appeared on my porch.
It held 2 large bottles of white wine, a box of tea, a lemon juicer and a note.

“So sorry neighbor!! - Sue

Brendan looked at the basket like it was going to explode. I unscrewed the cap on a bottle of wine. As ridiculous as her parties were, she was still better person than her niece Amanda.