I'm at about 17 days on 150XL. I haven't experienced any increased anxiety or other notable side effects. I feel more even keeled, not dropping down into a state of panic when I'm presented with a new obstacle. I think I had been in a state of fight or flight for most of the last three years. I think it was all triggered by a lifelong depression I didn't even notice until after almost a year and a half of solo therapy (first time in solo therapy in my life). I think when I'm in that depression pit, everything seems overwhelming. I came from a highly dysfunctional home. My therapist noted that with recently discussing my little sister's fight with alcoholism, that we both dealt with it in our own ways. I just told myself that I was fine and that it was a miracle that I wasn't really bothered by it all. It's crazy what we can ignore. And how blind we can be to our own dysfunction.

Peeling back all the layers with my therapist has been incredibly enlightening. I really wanted to tackle my issues with getting angry over trivial bullshit. I haven't ever been physically abusive, but I have been way too intense about a lot of things. I have been quick to get angry and I'm so tired of it. I find that being the way I have my whole life has been really fucking exhausting.

I was having extreme anxiety and feeling like I really wanted to completely shut down, but I have 2 young kids, a wife, and we run a business together. It was so hard for me to function when we'd hit a difficult patch with our business or when we'd argue. It would really feel like the walls were caving in on me.

Since starting on these meds (first time trying medication, with the exception of a short trial of trying concerta just before this, which is an ADHD med) I have noticed I'm a bit less engaged in passing conversations, but still able to fully engage when sitting and intentionally engaging. I'm able to crawl out of my dark pit and instead of hiding from the things that are intimidating me, I'm able to look at them and think about them. These meds are allowing me to really make use of what I've learned from my therapist, friends, and books since starting on this journey to be a better me.

How many of you started on 150 and stayed there? I'm hoping to keep it at this dose, but we'll see how it's going in another 3 weeks.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with other folks that are on a similar path and here your stories, so please feel free to share. Good luck, everybody ✨️