I don’t know if this is a phobia or something more but I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

7 months ago my wife left me abruptly after 6 years. I suffer from mental health issues (BPD, anxiety, bipolar depressive, C-PTSD).

Immediately after the break up my libido went wild and I could not stop masturbating. I wound up “self harming” by sleeping with more people in the last 6 months than I have my entire life. I have since stopped.

Now, the thought, sight, idea of anything sexual (the act itself, people acting “sexy”, visuals of supposedly sexy people, suggestive media/material, etc.) repulses me to the point where I get nauseated and have to remove it or myself immediately else I vomit and/or have a pull blown panic attack.

I have always been a person who very much connected sexual intimacy with love so prior to all this I was never into casual sex.

I might also add that I am a trans man who is emotionally and physically attracted to women (or was), and physically attracted to men although I never really wanted to be with one. I have had this recent sexual encounters with cis men bc (a) I know I cannot form an emotional attachment to them so it felt like a “safe” option in terms of protecting my heart and (b) I used it as a form of self-harm bc having sex with cis men is extremely physically painful for me and yet I was doing it anyway.

And now I’m repulsed by both men and women and anythjng sexual at all.

Thoughts and suggestions welcome.