Myself and a colleague of mine worked with a woman years ago who wanted to lose weight desperately. She had tried everything and nothing had worked . . .she had been doing the yoyo-ing sort of thing with all the diet plans and programs she did.

At some point after a few months of her failing, I asked her "do we need to change goals here? . . .you've tried so many things . . .I'm curious, what motivates you to keep on going?"

It was really hard for her to say this but she said "I don't think men will love me the way I look". I responded "you are so so so much more than how you look and I would imagine you'd want a man who would see you for those other qualities versus one that is fleeting at best".

I asked her what she wanted and it turned out she just wanted to have some no strings attached fun with guys but had an enormous amount of guilt associated with asking for this like she was a bad person for even wanting it.

I took her online to a dating website for overweight people and much to her total shock there were thin men, muscular men on the website (who she found attractive) who were looking for overweight women. . .this blew her mind.

I said "I know Hollywood and the media has portrayed this image that men want women who look a particular way. . .the thing is that it's just not true. . .men are attracted to all sorts of different things and different qualities."

We then looked at her online dating profile and she had taken all her photos from the chest up wearing black shirts to hide her body. I said "take pictures that show your whole body and post them on the dating website" which she and her friends did. I said that it's ok if you want to have no strings attached fun as well. . .there's no judgment in going and having it for yourself - and it's not like you're not going to get into Heaven for going and doing that. It's important for you to have things things you want in life and really ok for you to go and have them.

She went out and dated a ton of men having a ton of no-strings attached fun in the process in her 50s . . .something she had never allowed herself to do her whole life. . .basically completing something for herself.

Months later she said "I think I'd like to have a long term relationship now." She'd never been in one and never had been married.

"I think it's best to create another profile on another website" I said jokingly. . . which she did (once again taking pictures of her whole body) and ended up meeting a guy not too long afterwards who she liked a lot. He adored her for who she was -overweight and more importantly her other qualities of a woman as well. . .and keep in mind that she still hadn't lost any weight at this point.

Anyhow - they eventually ended up getting married and a year after she was married she finally started losing some weight. . .but of course, it didn't matter at that point whether lost the weight or not - as she was unattached to the outcome.