Here is a little about me. I'm 22M, 5'3 and I weigh 260LBS. I've been overweight since I was a very young child, (TW for mention of trauma) because I was going through endless bullying, as well as CSA. So I've been using food to cope since I was very young, and I very quickly gained weight because of it. I know because of this, my brain heavily associates eating with feeling good. I've maintained my 260LBS weight since I was about 15 or 16. My weight keeps fluctuating between 250 and 260. It's not particularly that I'm even eating junk, I just really struggle to control my portion sizes. I've been on so many diets, I can't even count, and something I'll never forget is when I was about 10, my pediatrician told me, "I don't know what you're doing, but keep it up!" In reference to weight loss I had achieved. She didn't ask me how I lost it, but I was actively starving myself at the time. And as an adult, I still starve myself on and off- this is why I get down to 250, and as soon as I start eating again, the scale jumps straight back up to 260. I just don't feel motivated. I'm very active, walking, hiking, and using the gym are things I'm very passionate about, and then... I go home and eat, and as I said before I struggle very hard with portion control. How can I stop associating eating with feeling good, and coping? I would like to lose 140LBS or more. I've looked this way my whole life, as far as I can remember, and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of facing constant shaming from my doctors, from my family, and everyone else in the world. Is there anyone here that can relate to me at all? How did you overcome this kind of association with food? Is this achievable or... Will I be stuck in a body I hate forever? And I want to say I understand I need to do the calorie deficit, I'm asking for advice on how to go about it because of the associations I have with using food for coping for so long, and how I can break this association so that I can start doing a calorie deficit in addition to what I'm already doing (such as eating healthier and continuing to exercise a lot/exercising even more).